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| [afternoon letters]
She is the embodiment of love's dreams,
a fairy tale with blue eyes. | | |
| [musings at MO]
Dreams.
I suppose we all have them: grandiose visions of great deeds, warm thoughts of true love. We dream of excitement, utopia, happiness, comfort. We long for these things.
On the other hand, we also dream of accomplishment. Changing the world. Becoming President. Making a blockbuster film. Raising a family.
I have many dreams of my own. Being 21, I've been thinnking as of late that it's time I started setting out to accomplish them. Part of me feels stifled, unable to chase them due to everything around me. And yet, part of me feels reluctant.
How important should my dreams be? Should I be pursuing what I desire? As a Chrisitan - nay, as a created being - this is difficult.
God can use us in ways we can never imagine. So should I sit back and "let Him guide me"? I don't think God likes passivity. We are to be people of action, certainly.
Perhaps the key lies in two related methods:
1) Questioning our motives and dreams
2) Aligning our will with God's
The former is far easier than the latter.
There is far more to "pure" motives than simply keeping them "moral." Selfless motives are a good start (though are all selfish motives bad? That's another topic). I guess a better way to assess your motives is to ask yourself what purpose your dream serves. Is it to have a more comfortable Earthly life? Is it to save a starving child in Sri Lanka? Or perhaps it's to save a starving soul.
Maybe what you should be sure of is that your dream, even if somewhat selfish, serves a larger heavenly purpose.
That's the "easy part." What's far more difficult is aligning our will to God's. (You didn't think that He should align His will to ours, did you?) Doing this is difficult because we, like most humans, are arrogant, selfish beings. It's also difficult because it requires us to discern God's will, which really isn't all that straightforward (which is just as it should be).
Maybe the bottom line is simple humility. That's what all of the above is about, right? Letting yourself be used. Thinking of other people. Letting God be the priority of your dreams. Asking yourself, "How does this serve the Creator? How can I use my talents, abilities, and resources to His glory? How can my dreams be refined, molded, bent into something more beautiful?"
Now, the conclusion:
Let God perfect your dreams, turn them from limited to unlimited. | | |
| [remembering a promise]
Was the submission empty? Did the words even leave the atmosphere?
Or did they remain, trapped in that room?
Look at the night sky.
Stars that shine, words that burst from the blackness, begging us to notice.
Do we see? Do we hear?
Looking down on us, but not disparagingly.
None could make us feel more acclaimed, could make us blush at eyes swollen with pride.
If only we'd see.
Does it hurt? Perhaps, yes.
The realization - those are the times I feel small.
My jacket zipper pulled up, hands in my pockets.
I attempt to blend in with the black of the sky.
"Don't notice me, for what I gave to you I reclaimed. Again."
Eyes shut, two of the bright objects blink out of existence.
But warm kindness reclaims me.
I resist, shield my eyes with my hand, a futile attempt to block out the Sun.
Still the embrace continues, pulling me in, gravity, a black hole in the inverse.
The darkness disappears, my jacket pulled free.
Light is all that remains.
"Why?"
An answer to the plea not really desired; continued wonder is more prudent, beautiful.
Shockwaves of thankfulness,
followed by a single drop of feeling. | | |
| [while reading John 19]
"We have a law..."
The Jews speak to Pilate. Impassioned pleas from angry men fall upon his ears. We have a law. Yes, but so does Rome. And I find no fault in this man.
Pilate was slightly interested in this man, this Jesus of Nazareth. He is called the King of the Jews by some. What does He mean by this? A Kingdom "not of this world." The words may've disturbed Pilate some - a King with an authority unlike any he had ever seen.
"He ought to die, because He made Himself out to be the Son of God."
The words caused Pilate to tense up, his mind racing, fearful. The Son of God? Where is this man from? I must speak with him.
"He who delivered me to you has the greater sin."
The words of the creator of the Universe, spoken with simplicity to a human being. Man plays the part of God, pretending to be in control. They have the Son of God scourged, mocked, and left for questioning. A small man and the biggest man ever born, together in one room, the roles reversed, switched in a most perverse manner. It should not be. And perhaps that is the beauty of it. Immanuel. God with us.
Don't you know I have the authority... And yet Christ knows all too well who has the authority. Pilate has none of his own; he only has what God has given him. He is a weak man holding onto the illusion of power, believing it makes him someone, elevates him above the others. God knows that the only way to be someone is to give up yourself. But the wisdom of God is foolishness to men.
Pilate goes back out to the Jews, I find no fault in this man. They shout at him, wish this Jesus to be crucified for saying what they did not believe. What if it is true? What if he did more than make Himself out to be the Son of God? What if He really is? The question is never asked. They are manipulative, appealing to Pilate's political aspirations. If you release this man, you are no friend of Caesar. He is shaken again, afraid of both the Jews and their King. A war is waged within, politics and earthly gain vying against a sense of justice.
A final question: Shall I crucify your king?
The Jews respond as they had so many years ago, a much younger nation, but the same arrogance. Give us a King, as these other countries have. How God's heart was rent at this statement. A people He had chosen to love, rejecting Him for a man. The biggest being put aside for the smallest. He granted their request with infinite sadness. It must always be their choice. He will not force them to love Him. And so, thousands of years later, He tells them once again that He loves them, that He always will. And once again, they reject that love that overshadows the depths of history and existence. They block out the sun with their hand, shielding their eyes, wishing to hide from themselves the reality of their decision. It is a charade, a game; they fool no one, save themselves. We have no king but Caesar.
The heart of God is pushed aside again, children wishing for their parents to go away, selfish, wanting to make it on their own; when even they know the impossibility of that dream.
Pilate surrenders to the pressure, himself also selfish, electing to preserve a meaningless career.
The Son of God has surrendered as well, but to God's authority, a decision to save those who wish to drown. He takes a deep breath and plunges into the tempestuous waves, knowing that this act of heroism will result in His passing.
Love never fails. | | |
| [while reading John 16]
"Hate the sin, not the sinner."
How often I have heard these words. I am in full agreement with them, of course. It is not our place to hate people - indeed, we are just as worthy of being hated; how dare we pass on what has been gracefully taken from us. To do so would be to behave as the unfaithful servant in Christ's parable.
However, that is not to say this is a simple task. I have great...dislike for a large number of people: Eminem, Saddam Hussein, most actors/actresses, most band members, Bill Clinton...the list could go on, but you understand my point. It is difficult to divorce my feelings about the conduct of these people and place them solely on their actions, rather than on the people themselves.
That's beginning to change. Whilst reading John 16 this evening, verse three stirred me from my daze:
"These things they will do because they have not known the Father or Me."
The words of Jesus. Powerful, life-giving words. They struck me, caused me to have new understanding and love. These people, the ones listed above, have done terrible things, made poor decisions (to put it mildly). And yet...why? Why have they done these things?
Because they don't know God.
This is not to say that Christians never make bad decisions; far from it. However, the conduct of most Christians is better than that of these people. Because the Christian knows the Father through the Son. In verse two, Christ speaks of a time when people will make the apostles outcasts, when they will kill them, thinking it is a service to God. These are far worse actions than those taken by the people listed above. And yet, it came from the same central fact: they don't know the Father.
Who will tell them?
That's always the question I wrestle with. I completely understand that they won't know God, and will only continue to do evil, unless I do something about it. I must go out and teach them a better way - a way full of love and grace, a way that fulfills who we were intended to be. And yet I don't. I shie away form this responsibility, though I deeply desire to realize it.
Again...this is my great shame. | | |
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